Jordan’s Christmas Wishlist 2021

by js on

It’s been 13 years since this tradition began. I’m older, crustier, and objectively wiser than I was then. The world seems to have gotten more naive, more pathetic, and objectively more psychotic than it was then. Money is worth less, the faceless megacorps who want you to spend it on them are worth more, and the endless number of things it can buy are crappier. And more often made in China. But I repeat myself.


Barn Equipment

Security Tools

Unfortunately a lot of the most useful ones can be pricey, but there are a few good security tools that fit within the window of reason.

  • The Malduino W (or just the plain old Malduino— the W is wireless and thus somewhat more handy; note that giving this as a gift does not guarantee that you won’t be one of my targets)
  • WiFi Keylogger (again, no promises you won’t be a target)
  • WiFi Deauther
  • USB Protector (never, ever, ever trust public USB charge ports… and if someone powerful enough is after you, maybe don’t trust any USB charge ports… maybe don’t even own any devices as they can and will be used against you)

Room Enhancers

Now that the basement is finished, the time to add to our home’s soul– both upstairs and down– has arrived.

  • If poster (prose by Rudyard Kipling), framed if possible (something to which my boys may aspire)
  • Custom house portrait (would be really cool to get the painting of Mormor & Poppy’s house, one of 2391, and one of our house all up on the wall together)
  • American Eagle (not sure where I’d put this just yet, but)
  • One of the various pieces of art on my ever-expanding art list, framed, canvas preferred but prints are still great (add beauty, meaning, and intrigue to our home). Many of these are public domain and obscure, but they might be printable on canvases or art prints at any number of shops.


No wishlist would be complete without some garb with which to clothe myself and simultaneously send a message to my beholders who may or may not interpret such message as offensive.


  • Garden gnomes (to protect life, liberty, and property)
  • Dinosaur eating gnomes (your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should)