Jordan’s Christmas Wish List 2020

by Jordan Spencer Cunningham on

Standard disclaimer: I expect nothing, but tradition and familial mandates require it.

People get presents for Decemberween?
  • Homestar Runner figurines. Now they’ve gone out of production, and the cheapest ones available are listed for double the original price on eBay. I think these exact ones have been on eBay for a year, though, so you may be able to click the “Make an Offer” button and talk them down some. There are the newer wooden Meeples that would do in a pinch and have a price point that is much more palatable. If you have deep pockets and for some reason like me (check your head if so), both series 1 and 2 of the original figurines are available for a modest $100 here. Just think, they’ll be worth ten times that in a decade or two.
  • Western Union Telegraph & Cable Office Sign for one day when the Teletype Barn is built
  • Fallout Shelter Sign also for the Teletype Barn
  • CONELRAD sticker— might as well do 2 so they’ll send you a third for free– this will make a good accent on some comms equipment and an awesome obscure reference to interesting comms history only two other people in the country will pick up on. That’s what makes it so beautiful.
  • Gamecube controller adapter. My boys and I sometimes play classic games together. Gamecube had the best controller of all time. I thought about asking for USB Gamecube controllers, but none of the reviews looked good for any of them, and we’ve had bad experience with some of those in the past anyway. So I figure we can use the real Gamecube controllers we already have from the good ol’ days and supplement them with some new ones that have better reviews than the USB ones (see below).
  • New Gamecube controllers so we have enough. It would be cool to get Nintendo-branded Gamecube controllers, most or all of which are used at this point, since the third-party controllers aren’t ever quite as good as the official ones. Still, the third party ones would do in a pinch.
  • The Legend of Zelda: Hyrule Historia. Something the boys and I would enjoy greatly. Gotta know your Hyrulean lore. I suppose you could call it analog to Pottermore.
  • The Legend of Zelda: Encyclopedia. Similar to the above. Didn’t realize this even existed until today, though.
  • The Legend of Zelda: Art & Artifacts. Same theme. Also didn’t realize this existed until now.
  • Laser bore sight for .223/5×56 AR-15. Whatever happens this election, the violent miscreants with pretenses of virtue are going to do what they have been doing. While unlikely, they may invade our sleepy neighborhood as they have done elsewhere. Every tool to improve the odds is valued. Beyond that, practice makes perfect, and the sport itself is enjoyable and satisfying.
  • Iron sights for AR-15. Ditto.
  • Riser for AR-15. Again, ditto.
  • Flashlight for AR-15. Furthermore, ditto.
  • Paper and/or steel shooting targets. Also, ditto.
  • Automatic clay pigeon thrower. Something that can be used with just one person, i.e. I don’t need someone else to pull a string or whatever. These are all so expensive, though, even the cheap ones. Lastly, ditto.
  • Commodore 64 logo shirt. Just cool stuff there.
  • InGen shirt. Cooler than a mullet.
  • Packard Bell shirt. More obscure than both of the above, but reaching back into the good ol’ days nonetheless.
  • 3D Glasses Superman Trump shirt. Hilariously funny. I also like the image for this one even better, but I don’t usually like words on shirts– they should be able to speak for themselves.
  • Enjoy Capitalism shirt. The pansy writing disparagements against capitalism on his MacBook Pro while sitting in a Starbucks taking selfies with his soy latte to upload to Instagram shall be triggered.
  • Get off my lawn shirt. So you can get off my lawn. Also this one, this one, and/or this one.
  • Delaware crossing shirt. For particularly patriotic days.
  • Spirit of ’76 shirt. Also for patriotic days.
  • Lego Jolly Roger. The boys would love this. Maybe get the boys matching shirts so we four can be the terror of the seven… deserts. That’s all we have around here.
  • Raspberry Pi 400 Personal Computer kit. Kinda pricey, sold out everywhere, not sure when they’ll be back in stock anytime soon. But if you’re so inclined and they’re in stock when you take a peek, well…
  • Krackels and Mister Goodbars. Big bars if possible, but I’ll accept the bite sized if the big ones cannot be found. Not to replace the requisite toffee Symphony bars but to accompany them. Since I am apparently the only one on earth who likes them, may as well buy the extant worldwide supply.
  • For everyone including nanny governments and soviet citizens to leave everyone else the heck alone already and stop hiding your fear of living and/or desire to control others behind your false virtue or victimhood.