A Second, Safer Journey behind the Brass Curtain

by Jordan Spencer Cunningham on

We have successfully infiltrated Jordan Spencer Cunningham’s underground lab once again, this time without any fatalities (see our last venture for more details on the deaths of our valiant men).

An advanced robot was designed with a cost of over $5.2 million (US) specifically for this mission. Its six “armlegs” give it the agility to move quickly across any surface and the flexibility to climb any incline from zero degrees to 180 degrees, and its small size (about the size of the typical smartphone with all armlegs extended) gives it an edge when trying to avoid detection or when sneaking into secured areas. It is equipped with all the typical environmental sensors:  heat, visible light, microwave, magnetic field, proximity, gyroscope, accelerometer, and infrared sensors. We have also equipped it with very highly advanced and beyond state-of-the-art (or state-of-the-science, if you will) “otherworldly” or supernatural sensors, brainwave sensors, and olfactory sensors.

Late last night, a mobile team positioned themselves as close as they dare to Jordan Spencer Cunningham’s known laboratory location and sent in the bot. This is the footage the bot streamed to our servers before it was discovered.

We’re not sure who or what discovered the robot and destroyed it, but the feed of all of the sensors ended the instant the video stream ended. All of the sensors went from normal to overwhelmed that moment before the video stream ended, so we have no idea what happened.

However, we are very pleased to have the short video and sensory data that we did collect. One can see the robot skitter across the floor and climb up some kind of desk (our sensory readings verify the object it climbed was about three or four feet tall). First we see some blackish object a few times larger than the robot, a small white object the robot passes, then a brown object that the robot climbs over– we think this is a multitool of some sort. Another large object emerges out of the darkness, and soon it is clear that it is a typewriter– one can read “Standard Typewriter” in fancy lettering, and an old-fashioned keyboard can be seen above that. The robot then approaches a modern keyboard, climbs over it, and then gives us a brief view of what we believe to be a check– for the payment of what, we haven’t the foggiest. There is obviously some kind of paperwork beneath the keyboard and the check, but the video is too blurry to make out what it says. Beyond the keyboard where the robot pauses to look around for a moment, we see a curious figure: what appears to be a stuffed monkey-like creature, though some of our experts have postulated that this could be the creature that destroyed the robot– but if it was alive, how did the robot not sense its heat, brainwaves, and any supernatural qualities? Why did it not attack when the robot first ascended the desk? Beyond the creature we see what appears to be the wall of the room, more of the typewriter, more paperwork, and, nearest to the wall, a curious device that appears to be made out of wood, brass, and some other unknown substances. The sensors confirm that the odd tapping sounds heard throughout the length of the video stream are coming from the direction of this device. The robot’s sensors also picked up two sources of electromagnetic interference also emanating from the direction of the device. We are fairly certain that this device is the same device that can be discerned near the top-left corner of the desk in this photograph. Beyond the device, the robot approaches something taller than the desk that is obviously made out of wood; we’re unsure if it is an extension of the desk, a large enclosure for some other wicked device, or something else. The robot scales this object and finds at its pinnacle even more curious: a wooden stand with two wires protruding and connecting to who knows where. The robot begins to scale the stand and whatever it is holding, we see more wood, something so blurry that it’s hard to make out, and then– as the robot pauses in its ascent, we see for a brief moment the word “VOLTS” with the beginning of another word. The robot then continues to climb, climbs up something that is glowing blue, something else that is glowing red, and then up something that shines much more than the wood. The robots heat sensors were showing that there was a small amount of heat escaping from whatever it was climbing, which leads us to believe that it was hollow and contained some kind of machinery that was powered by or sent signals through the two wires previously mentioned. We believe that the object the robot scales here is the same wooden box near the top right corner of the previously linked image; the part of the box that appears to be some sort of meter would correlate very well with the word “VOLTS”. Finally the robot scales the object, and we are presented with what appears to be a monitor. Letters or digits appear every few seconds, and it appears that hundreds of these characters have been produced on the screen. After a few moments, the robot is violently seized without any warning from any of the sensors, all of the sensors immediately go haywire, and all of our data ends there.

If you can discover any other clues that our analytical team missed, please let us know.