Contented LDS Women Like Purple Too

by Jordan Spencer Cunningham on

It’s LDS General Conference time again, and what conference would be complete without its anti-Mormon protesters sporting pathetic signs in a sorry attempt to disrupt the spirit of the conference and its fringe-Mormon protesters kicking and screaming about some kind of gospel doctrine that God came up with that they just can’t stand? Last year I wrote an open letter to the organized group that has taken command of the Mormon “feminist” movement.  The astute Ordain Women movement has this year decided to trademark the color purple as the “I am going to kick and scream until I get what I want in the LDS Church” banner; they want LDS women everywhere to attend tonight’s women’s conference wearing purple dresses. This is an extremely sneaky way to make themselves look more important than they really are– so extremely sneaky that it’s not at all sneaky to anyone with half a brain, and here’s why.

When I heard this news, I took a deep breath, rolled my eyes, made a mental note to write about this, and moved on with my life. I will not go over the reasons why the reasoning given for the movement are unfounded and perhaps are even lies from their leaders– that was outlined in the previously linked letter. I simply want to outline, first, that if you are one of the 98% of active LDS women who don’t support this unfounded movement, try not to wear purple at tonight’s women’s conference and perhaps future conferences as you will unwittingly be helping a sneaky group to kick and scream for their “rights” and their “equality”.

Why do I call them sneaky? Why do I put “feminism”, “rights”, and “equality” in quotations when referring to this group? Why do I write about them in a negative light?

Why I Call the Ordain Women Movement Sneaky

I call them sneaky because they have chosen such a generic action to try to differentiate themselves and label themselves and show support for their movement that there will literally be thousands of women who unknowingly are doing this generic thing, that is, wearing a purple dress. Purple, next to pink, is among the most popular colors women wear. If they had chosen blue, green, red, or any other light color, the outcome would have been the same: there would be plenty of women who wear the color without even realizing a sneaky and extremely small group has swooped in, grabbed the attention of the media, and declared purple-wearing as labeling yourself “I support gender equality even though we already have gender equality! Gimmme that priesthood so I can be hip and cool!” Those hipsters.

This is equivalent to saying “Everyone in America! Wear a black belt on Friday to show those nasty politicians that we want to have sexual orientation equality where we erase the words ‘him’ and ‘her’ and ‘mailman’ and ‘garbage man’! We will sweep the country with black belts, and we will opinionate everyone else into submission!” Probably 50% of belt-wearing men and women wear black belts, 45% wear brown belts, and 5% wear sparkly or gold or silver or rope belts. They would effectively boost their support from 5% of the nation who cares enough to wear something to stand out to 50% of the nation, most of whom would never even know.

There’s a similar practice amongst website owners. In order to sound cooler than they really are and boost their Google/Bing/Yahoo/DuckDuckGo/whatever search engine rankings and thus put themselves closer to the top of searches, they sometimes participate in what is known as unethical SEO “hacks”: this can include but is not limited to using bots to click links and drive up traffic, subscribing to a link farm, and even using pornography to drive up traffic. Why are they unethical? Because they are, in essence, lies. Lies about how popular or relevant your content actually is. Why are they lies? Because Google et al search rankings have a lot to do with crowdsourced information on how popular a page is: how many other sites are linking to this site? How many people click through our search engine to find this page? &tc. To combat this, though, these search engines employ very clever algorithms and data to know an unethical site when it sees one, and then it casts that site down to the ocean bottom of search results.

Yes. I just used a technological analogy to show how Ordain Women is lying, or attempting to lie, anyway. Unfortunately when the media reports on the many thousands of women wearing purple dresses to the conference center and to stake centers around the world, there will be no Smart Algorithm Lie Detector to show us just how little support the Ordain Women movement actually has– just common sense, which has a worldwide shortage recently. There are plenty of other options this group had to label and differentiate themselves, but they chose purple dresses because they know it would drive up their “search ranking”. If they pushed their supporters to wear a hat, for instance, that would be a lot more of an accurate way to see support amongst the crowd because, culturally speaking, LDS women rarely wear hats to Church functions. It’s not because it’s bad to wear hats, necessarily– it’s just the way it is.

So. Ordain Women, you are a sneaky group as far as your leaders’ tactics for putting a physical label on yourselves goes.

Why I Put “Feminism”, “Rights”, and “Equality” in Quotations When Referring to this Group

Basically because these words that the group uses in the context they use them are utter rubbish– just more lies. What is feminism? The ideal that men and women should have equal opportunity to achieve their dreams. As far as legality goes, this nation is about as gender-equal and even gender-neutral as it is possible to get without performing surgery on everyone and neutering them to a genderless state. As far as society goes, “feminist” groups have now pushed men below them in many ways claiming that this is all in the name of equality. As far as the Church goes, men and women were spiritually and gospel-ly equal from the start. As described in my previous open letter, in a document titled “The Family: A Proclamation to the World“, a recent open letter from the Church to Ordain Women, and thousands upon thousands of other resources, men and women as defined by Church doctrine have been and ever will be equal: equal in worth and responsibility; different in which natural responsibilities come with the gender as established by God. Then again, from the perspective of an outsider or from the perspective of a member of the church with an augmented (see: skewed) view of reality, I can see how women not holding the priesthood since the Church’s restoration 180+ years ago and the Church’s establishment 6000+ years ago and the Gospel’s creation perhaps an infinite amount of years ago would seem like an inequality. God being rude and shoving one gender below the other since before time existed… Yeah. Sure. I guess. Unless you’re into the idea that God would cease to be God if He did such a thing, that God, not men, runs the Church, and that God actually exists, well, that makes perfect sense. Spot on.

Yes. These words used to mean something real, but now Ordain Women and other activist groups who kick and scream about problems that don’t even exist have neutered these words to mean whatever they want them to mean– whatever meaning will further their agenda.

Why I Write about this Group in a Negative Light

A lot of liberally-minded people (even the word “liberal” used to mean something– now it almost means the opposite) would accuse me of being closed-minded, bigoted, intolerant, blah blah blah– you know those catch-words by heart by now. In fact, many of them have. I hold certain opinions that must make me an intolerant wretch who hates everyone who is different than he is. Oh, you intolerant people– if you only knew how kind I actually am! At any rate, here are reasons why I speak of the group negatively:

  • I never agreed in any way whatsoever with women who think that wearing pants is making a statement about their power and equality. I don’t care what you wear as long as I don’t see things only your husband should get to see. Disagreeing with someone isn’t enough, necessarily, to cast them in a negative light, of course. The thing is that I do view their agenda as an extreme one, and I do wonder just how long these women will choose to stay in the Church while clinging to this idea. Extremism is never healthy. Their agenda is not quite anti-Mormon, but it’s definitely not a positive thing, either: it’s absolutely good and recommended and desired that members of the Church question the Church– why are things the way they are? Is it true? Is it real? Do God and Jesus Christ actually manage the Church through these men? Is it really the one church with God’s stamp of full approval? Questioning these things is how my testimony has grown and how I’ve come to know the answers for myself. However, it’s also good and important to trust the God and the Gospel you proclaim you believe in– if you don’t, how do you expect Him to give you those answers? When you actually trust in Him and ask deep questions about the Church and its validity, you will either get an answer or you will eventually receive feelings of peace and contentment in knowing you will one day know the answer, but not quite yet. When you are presumptuous enough to presume that you’re right and the oracles you claim were chosen by God are wrong, well, let’s just say that not only does that sound dangerous from a religious perspective, but just plain nonsensical from any perspective; I don’t trust people who don’t make sense.
  • I rarely like any group that kicks and screams about “rights” and “equality” these days. Most of them love attention, most of them are extreme, and most of them are sneaky; Ordain Women is no exception. Now, I may agree with some points of some of these groups (not Ordain Women, I’m afraid)– a lot of them are unfounded, but not all– but I rarely like to associate with any people who are attention-grabbing, sneaky extremists.
  • These women are starting to fulfill an ancient prophecy described in Alma 3:13-19 by labeling themselves with purple dresses. It sounds silly at first, but I believe it’s real. They say that they’re doing what they think God wants them to do, but that doesn’t make separating yourself from the Church in a way and then marking yourself so as to stand out any less similar to this prophecy.
  • I was willing to give the women running this group the benefit of the doubt before– I certainly didn’t agree with them, but hey– everyone wants their fifteen minutes of fame, and not all people who disagree with the Church end up cursing God with their dying breaths (I know of some who have). Just let them whine for a while, and then they’ll disintegrate due to lack of interest or internal squabbling and leave us alone. When they chose purple as “their” color, though– that put me in a silent rage. My fiancè’s favorite color is purple, and that’s the main color theme for our wedding. How dare you pollute our color with unfounded and skewed ideals that we have no desire supporting! This is war, my friends. WarSarcasm aside, we really are annoyed that the color they chose happens to be ours, and Lisa (my fiancè) has chosen–despite popularity– to not have bird cages at our reception because they are a symbol of entrapment, and this marriage is actually freedom for both of us. So take that, femi-nazis.

I’m estimating between 90% and 98% of active LDS women are not only contented with their already equal position but are opposed to if not offended by the Ordain Women movement. The highlights of this blog post? Contented LDS women like purple too, Ordain Women is a sneaky group, and it’s going to be difficult for me to forgive them for defaming our perfectly wonderful wedding color.